teaching the Mudheads to copulate
Mudheads are not very intelligent.
Long ago they didn't know many
things, even very simple, everyday actions.
So a man tried to instruct
them. He tried to teach them how to go up a ladder.
He showed them how
to do it, and they tried to copy him, but they couldn't.
One tried to
go up the ladder with his feet upmost, standing on his head.
tried to climb the back of the ladder.
A third kept falling through the
rungs, while a fourth got all tangled in the rungs.
They just couldn't
Then the man tried to teach them how to build a house.
He showed them the right way to do it, and they tried to imitate his
But one started with the roof and made the others hold up the
ceiling while he tried to build downward from it.
Another put together
a house with no doors and windows.
He built it from the inside, and
when he wanted to go out, he found he had walled himself in.
had to break down the walls to let him out.
Still another made the mud
bricks out of sand.
When it rained,
his house collapsed into a sandpile.
Try as they would, the
Mudheads just couldn't do it right.
Then the man tried to show them a
really simple thing - how to sit on a chair.
They watched and tried to
do as he did.
One sat on top of the chair back and tumbled over.
Another sat underneath the chair.
Another sat on the chair with
his back to the front.
A fourth tried to sit upside down with his head
where his rump ought to have been.
They just couldn't get the point.
'Well," said their instructor, "I will try one thing more. I am going
to show you how to copulate."
There was a
fat old woman who hadn't had a man in
her for a long time.
"They can all practice on me,"
she said, "I don't mind."
lifted up her manta and bent over, and the instructor copulated with her in the
simplest way - from the back as dogs do.
The Mudheads watched closely,
and then they all wanted to try.
But none of them could find the right
One tried to do
it in the anus.
Another in the knee bend.
Another in the
Another in the armpit.
They tried and tried.
They really wanted to do it right, but they couldn't.
up on you," said the instructor.
The fat old woman just laughed.
A Zuni clown dance story.
In intervals between solemn masked dances the Mudheads provide relief
as a comic counterpoint.
do not become a mudhead
Do not let care corrode and
gnaw your heart, lest you should fall into
a state of despondency and throw away all the blessings you enjoy and with them
Do not stir the fire with a
sword, do not irritate an angry
person; rather endeavor to sooth and appease him. When no longer under the
influence of passion, he may hear and be benefitted by your
not talk on moral or religious subjects before immoral persons who are
disposed to ridicule
everything that is grave and serious;
neither enter into
arguments with persons who are obstinate, or ignorant; who are either
incapable of understanding, or
predetermined not to adopt what you
Do not be ready to bind yourselves by vows, or
oaths, to do, or to refrain
from any act. If the thing be proper in itself, you will have sufficient
incentive to do it, without laying such obligations or restrictions upon
yourself; the necessity for which can only arise from imbecility, or
inconstancy of mind, which you should rather endeavor to cure than to indulge.
Do not through weariness, or inconstancy, leave any business nearly
completed in which you are engaged, unfinished, but persist to the end; else
all the time, labor, and expense that have been bestowed upon the work, will be
lost, and you will lose your character likewise; or
when you perceive yourself
about to die, with patience and courage submit to your fate, and
do not weakly and
foolishly wish for an extension of your life, in the vain hope that you
should live more rationally.
Do not attempt those actions one is
unqualified to perform, nor discourse on matters one does not understand; more
attention will be given to a blind man discoursing on colors.
nothing to revive a settled dispute or contest in which you were engaged, you
may not come off a second time so well.
Do not feed, or take under your
roof animals of ferocious and savage dispositions, that have sharp and curled
Do not awaken sorrow once sorrow is asleep.
Do not wake a
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