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teaching the Mudheads to copulate

The Mudheads are not very intelligent.

Long ago they didn't know many things, even very simple, everyday actions.

So a man tried to instruct them. He tried to teach them how to go up a ladder.

He showed them how to do it, and they tried to copy him, but they couldn't.

One tried to go up the ladder with his feet upmost, standing on his head.

Another tried to climb the back of the ladder.

A third kept falling through the rungs, while a fourth got all tangled in the rungs.

They just couldn't do it.

Then the man tried to teach them how to build a house.

He showed them the right way to do it, and they tried to imitate his actions.

But one started with the roof and made the others hold up the ceiling while he tried to build downward from it.

Another put together a house with no doors and windows.

He built it from the inside, and when he wanted to go out, he found he had walled himself in.

The others had to break down the walls to let him out.

Still another made the mud bricks out of sand.

When it rained, his house collapsed into a sandpile.

Try as they would, the Mudheads just couldn't do it right.

Then the man tried to show them a really simple thing - how to sit on a chair.

They watched and tried to do as he did.

One sat on top of the chair back and tumbled over.

Another sat underneath the chair.

Another sat on the chair with his back to the front.

A fourth tried to sit upside down with his head where his rump ought to have been.

They just couldn't get the point.

'Well," said their instructor, "I will try one thing more. I am going to show you how to copulate."

There was a fat old woman who hadn't had a man in her for a long time.

"They can all practice on me," she said, "I don't mind."

So she lifted up her manta and bent over, and the instructor copulated with her in the simplest way - from the back as dogs do.

The Mudheads watched closely, and then they all wanted to try.

But none of them could find the right opening.

One tried to do it in the anus.

Another in the knee bend.

Another in the arm bend.

Another in the armpit.

They tried and tried.

They really wanted to do it right, but they couldn't.

"I give up on you," said the instructor.

The fat old woman just laughed.


A Zuni clown dance story.

In intervals between solemn masked dances the Mudheads provide relief as a comic counterpoint.


mudhead


do not

Do not let care corrode and gnaw your heart, lest you should fall into a state of despondency and throw away all the blessings you enjoy and with them your life.

Do not stir the fire with a sword, do not irritate an angry person; rather endeavor to sooth and appease him. When no longer under the influence of passion, he may hear and be benefitted by your remonstrances.

Do not talk on moral or religious subjects before immoral persons who are disposed to ridicule every thing that is grave and serious; neither enter into arguments with persons who are obstinate, or ignorant; who are either incapable of understanding, or predetermined not to adopt what you advise.

Do not be ready to bind yourselves by vows, or oaths, to do, or to refrain from any act. If the thing be proper in itself, you will have sufficient incentive to do it, without laying such obligations or restrictions upon yourself; the necessity for which can only arise from imbecility, or inconstancy of mind, which you should rather endeavor to cure than to indulge.

Do not through weariness, or inconstancy, leave any business nearly completed in which you are engaged, unfinished, but persist to the end; else all the time, labor, and expense that have been bestowed upon the work, will be lost, and you will lose your character likewise; or when you perceive yourself about to die, with patience and courage submit to your fate, and do not weakly and foolishly wish for an extension of your life, in the vain hope that you should live more rationally.

Do not attempt those actions one is unqualified to perform, nor discourse on matters one does not understand; more attention will be given to a blind man discoursing on colors.

Do nothing to revive a settled dispute or contest in which you were engaged, you may not come off a second time so well.

Do not feed, or take under your roof animals of ferocious and savage dispositions, that have sharp and curled claws.

Do not awaken sorrow once sorrow is asleep.

Do not wake a sleeping dog.



To follow the law of the Mishneh Torah an observant Jews must:

The Book of Judges

whip the wicked,
do not allow a sorcerer to live,
not execute the innocent on circumstantial evidence;
not punish one who committed an offence under duress.

Laws of Rebels include nine commandments, three positive commandments and six negative commandments, which are:
(1) to act according to the Torah as the Great Rabbinical Court declares it;
(2) not to deviate from their words;
(3) not to add to the Torah either in the commandments of the Written Law or in the interpretation that we have learned from tradition;
(4) not to take away from either of them;
(5) not to curse one's father or mother;
(6) not to strike one's father or mother;
(7) to honor one's father and mother;
(8) to fear one's father and mother;
(9) that a son shall not be stubborn and rebellious against the voice of his father and mother.

Laws of Kings and Wars include twenty-three commandments, ten positive commandments and thirteen negative commandments, which are:
(1) to appoint a king from among the Israelites;
(2) not to appoint him from the community of converts;
(3) that he shall not have many wives;
(4) that he shall not have many horses;
(5) that he shall not have much gold and silver;
(6) to exterminate the seven Canaanite peoples;
(7) not to let a single one of them live;
(8) to wipe out the seed of Amalek; (Amalek expelled the Israelites from Eygpt.)
(9) to remember what Amalek did;
(10) not to forget his evil deeds and his ambush on the way;
(11) not to dwell in the Land of Egypt;
(12) to offer peace to the inhabitants of a city when besieging it, and to deal with it in the way set out in the Torah, according as it makes peace or does not;
(13) not to seek peace with Ammon and Moab, when besieging them;(the children of Lot)
(14) not to destroy fruit trees in a siege;
(15) to prepare a latrine so that members of the camp shall go out there to excrete;
(16) to prepare a stake to dig with;
(17) to anoint a priest to speak to the men of the army in time of war;
(18) for a man who has espoused a wife, built a house, or planted a vineyard to rejoice in their new acquisitions a full year, and they are sent back home from the war;
(19) that they shall not be pressed into any service, and not even to go out for the needs of the city, the needs of the troops, nor the like;
(20) not to be frightened nor retreat in time of war;
(21) the rule for a beautiful woman taken captive in war;
(22) that she is not to be sold;
(23) that one shall not enslave her after having sexual relations with her.



slavery in ancient Israel/Judah

"Tell us the precise time when slaveholding ceased to be permitted, and became sinful?" - Rabbi Dr. M.J. Raphall

"Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property. You can will them to your children as inherited property and can make them slaves for life, but you must not rule over your fellow Israelites ruthlessly." Leviticus 25:43-46

Slavery is not forbidden. Slavery is legal and a modern imperialist might say it is freedom to own slaves.

Non-semite slaves from other nations may be treated as animals but Hebrews must be properly treated as human.

“If you buy a Hebrew servant, he is to serve you for six years. But in the seventh year, he shall go free, without paying anything. If he comes alone, he is to go free alone; but if he has a wife when he comes, she is to go with him.If his master gives him a wife and she bears him sons or daughters, the woman and her children shall belong to her master, and only the man shall go free." Exodus 21:2-4

Male Hebrew slaves in ancient Israel were automatically emancipated after 6 years of slavery, but only if they were male Hebrews. Male Hebrews wives and children still belonged to the slavemaster and female Hebrews were only emaciapated if mistreated.

“If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as male servants do." Exodus 21:7

"If she does not please the master who has selected her for himself, he must let her be redeemed. He has no right to sell her to aliens, because he has broken faith with her. If he selects her for his son, he must grant her the rights of a daughter. If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money." Exodus 21:8-11
If a person bought a female slave from her father and she displeased him, he had no right to sell her to a foreign owner. If the owner required her to marry his son, then the owner was required to treat her like a daughter-in-law. If the owner marries his slave and later marries another woman, he was required to treat his slave as he previously had. If he violates any of these requirements, then she must be emancipated. She would leave without any money or means of supporting herself; she would be free, but abandoned.

"Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian slave named Hagar; so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; it may be that I shall obtain children by her. And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai."

Hagar had no choice but to become impregnated by her master as she was Abraham's property.

"The seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female slave, nor your animals, nor any alien that is within thy gates." Exodus 20:10
Observant Hebrews gave their slaves one day off a week.

"Anyone who steals must certainly make restitution, but if they have nothing, they must be sold to pay for their theft."Exodus 22:3

Thieves were sold into slavery.


"Anyone who beats their male or female slave with a rod must be punished if the slave dies as a direct result, but they are not to be punished if the slave recovers after a day or two, since the slave is their property." Exodus 21:20-21

Killing your slave is not allowed but beating them as long as they can survive after two days is allowed.


"The wife of a man from the company of the prophets cried out to Elisha, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that he revered the Lord. But now his creditor is coming to take my two boys as his slaves." 2 Kings 4:1

If you couldn't pay off your debt your children could be sold into slavery by your creditor. (Note: Kings is not part of the Oral Torah and was added later by the Hebrews of Alexandria that penned the Old Testament.)


master, slave or freeman?


"The New Testament nowhere, directly or indirectly, condemns slaveholding, which, indeed, is proved by the universal practice of all Christian nations during many centuries. Receiving slavery as one of the conditions of society, the New Testament nowhere interferes with or contradicts the slave code of Moses; it even preserves a letter written by one of the most eminent Christian teachers to a slaveowner on sending back to him his runaway slave." - Rabbi Dr. M.J. Raphall Congregation B'nai Jeshurun New York City 1861



prostitution

(1) The attitudes towards prostitutes is similar to the attitude towards prostitutes now. It was seen as a disgusting and immoral profession and there was no sympathy for the woman. In line with the fact that the Torah was written by men, the prostitutes create evil. As a punishment Jeremiah 13:26-27 says; "Therefore will I discover thy skirts upon thy face, that thy shame may appear. I have seen thine adulteries, and thy neighings, the lewdness of thy whoredom, and thine abominations on the hills in the fields" These women will be forcibly put in front of the public naked in order to embarrass and humiliate them. Levititus 21:9 is a bit more extreme; 'And the daughter of any priest, if she profanes herself by whoring, profanes her father; she shall be burned with fire.'

(2) Yet despite this, one of the heroes of the Torah, Samson visited a prostitute. Judges 16:1, 'One day Samson went to Gaza, where he saw a prostitute. He went in to spend the night with her.'

(3) Judah (Jacobs son) also slept with a prostitute. Later found out she was his daughter-in-law and furthermore she became pregnant. So he ordered her to be burnt alive. (Genesis 38:16, 40)

from http://www.left-wing.net/torah/slaves.htm - July 29, 2008 - Jewish left-wing community website
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