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teaching the Mudheads to copulate

The Mudheads are not very intelligent.

Long ago they didn't know many things, even very simple, everyday actions.

So a man tried to instruct them. He tried to teach them how to go up a ladder.

He showed them how to do it, and they tried to copy him, but they couldn't.

One tried to go up the ladder with his feet upmost, standing on his head.

Another tried to climb the back of the ladder.

A third kept falling through the rungs, while a fourth got all tangled in the rungs.

They just couldn't do it.

Then the man tried to teach them how to build a house.

He showed them the right way to do it, and they tried to imitate his actions.

But one started with the roof and made the others hold up the ceiling while he tried to build downward from it.

Another put together a house with no doors and windows.

He built it from the inside, and when he wanted to go out, he found he had walled himself in.

The others had to break down the walls to let him out.

Still another made the mud bricks out of sand.

When it rained, his house collapsed into a sandpile.

Try as they would, the Mudheads just couldn't do it right.

Then the man tried to show them a really simple thing - how to sit on a chair.

They watched and tried to do as he did.

One sat on top of the chair back and tumbled over.

Another sat underneath the chair.

Another sat on the chair with his back to the front.

A fourth tried to sit upside down with his head where his rump ought to have been.

They just couldn't get the point.

'Well," said their instructor, "I will try one thing more. I am going to show you how to copulate."

There was a fat old woman who hadn't had a man in her for a long time.

"They can all practice on me," she said, "I don't mind."

So she lifted up her manta and bent over, and the instructor copulated with her in the simplest way - from the back as dogs do.

The Mudheads watched closely, and then they all wanted to try.

But none of them could find the right opening.

One tried to do it in the anus.

Another in the knee bend.

Another in the arm bend.

Another in the armpit.

They tried and tried.

They really wanted to do it right, but they couldn't.

"I give up on you," said the instructor.

The fat old woman just laughed.


A Zuni clown dance story.

In intervals between solemn masked dances the Mudheads provide relief as a comic counterpoint.



mudhead

do not become a mudhead


Do not let care corrode and gnaw your heart, lest you should fall into a state of despondency and throw away all the blessings you enjoy and with them your life.

Do not stir the fire with a sword, do not irritate an angry person; rather endeavor to sooth and appease him. When no longer under the influence of passion, he may hear and be benefitted by your remonstrances.

Do not talk on moral or religious subjects before immoral persons who are disposed to ridicule everything that is grave and serious; neither enter into arguments with persons who are obstinate, or ignorant; who are either incapable of understanding, or predetermined not to adopt what you advise.

Do not be ready to bind yourselves by vows, or oaths, to do, or to refrain from any act. If the thing be proper in itself, you will have sufficient incentive to do it, without laying such obligations or restrictions upon yourself; the necessity for which can only arise from imbecility, or inconstancy of mind, which you should rather endeavor to cure than to indulge.

Do not through weariness, or inconstancy, leave any business nearly completed in which you are engaged, unfinished, but persist to the end; else all the time, labor, and expense that have been bestowed upon the work, will be lost, and you will lose your character likewise; or when you perceive yourself about to die, with patience and courage submit to your fate, and do not weakly and foolishly wish for an extension of your life, in the vain hope that you should live more rationally.

Do not attempt those actions one is unqualified to perform, nor discourse on matters one does not understand; more attention will be given to a blind man discoursing on colors.

Do nothing to revive a settled dispute or contest in which you were engaged, you may not come off a second time so well.

Do not feed, or take under your roof animals of ferocious and savage dispositions, that have sharp and curled claws.

Do not awaken sorrow once sorrow is asleep.

Do not wake a sleeping dog.


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