Truth! stark, naked truth, is the
My maiden name was Frances Hill.
I was born at a small
village near Liverpool, in
Lancashire, of parents extremely poor, and, I piously believe, extremely
My education, till past fourteen, was no
better than very vulgar; reading, or rather spelling, an illegible scrawl, and
a little ordinary plain work composed the
whole system of it; and then all my foundation in
virtue was no other than a total
ignorance of vice, and
the shy timidity general to our sex, in the tender stage of life when objects
alarm or frighten more by their
novelty than anything else.
I was now entering on my fifteenth
year, when the worst of ills befell me in the loss of my tender fond parents,
who were both carried off by the small-pox, within a few days of each other; my
father dying first, and thereby hastening the
death of my mother; so that I was now
left an unhappy friendless orphan.
alone, absolutely destitute and
friendless, I began then to feel most bitterly the severity of this
separation, but the affliction I felt at my
helpless strange circumstances burst out into a flood of
infinitely relieved the
oppression of my heart; though
I still remained stupefied, and most perfectly perplex'd how to dispose of
As I had now nobody left
alive in the
village who had concern enough about
what should become of me to start any objections to this scheme, and the woman
who took care of me after my parents; death rather encouraged me to pursue it,
I soon came to a
resolution of making this launch into the wide world, by repairing to
London, in order to SEEK MY FORTUNE, a phrase which, by the bye, has ruined
more adventurers of both sexes, from the country, than ever it made or
Accordingly, the next morning I dress'd myself as clean and
as neat as my rustic wardrobe would permit me; and having left my box, with
special recommendation, with the landlady, I ventured out by myself, and
without any more difficulty than can be supposed of a young country girl,
barely fifteen, and to whom every sign or shop was a gazing trap, I got to the
wish'd for intelligence office.
After I had been cheer'd up and entertain'd by the way with the most
plausible flams, without one syllable from which I could conclude anything but
that I was, by the greatest good luck, fallen into the hands of the kindest
mistress, not to say friend, that the varsal world could afford; and
accordingly I enter'd her doors with most compleat confidence and exultation.
Here my mistress first began her part, with telling me that I must have
good spirits, and learn to be free with her; that she had not taken me to be a
common servant, to do domestic drudgery, but to be a kind of companion to her;
and that if I would be a good girl, she would do more than twenty mothers for
me; to all which I answered only by the profoundest and the awkwardest
curtsies, and a few monosyllables, such as 'yes! no! to be sure!
midst of these false explanations of the nature of my future
service, we were rung for again, and I was
introduced into the parlour, where there was a table laid with three covers;
and my mistress had now got with her one of her favourite girls, a notable
manager of her house, and whose business it was to prepare and break such young
fillies as I was to the mounting-block; and she was accordingly, in that view,
allotted me for a bed-fellow; and, to give her the more authority, she had the
title of cousin conferr'd on her by the venerable president of this college.
I pass the interval to bed-time, in which I was more and more pleas'd
with the views that opened to me, of an easy service under these good people; and after supper
being shew'd up to bed, Miss Phoebe, who observed a kind of reluctance in me to
strip and go to bed, in my shift, before her, now the maid was withdrawn, came
up to me, and beginning with unpinning my handkerchief and gown, soon
encouraged me to go on with undressing myself; and, still blushing at now
seeing myself naked to my shift, I hurried to get under the bedcloaths out of
Phoebe laugh'd and was not long before she placed herself by my
She was about five and twenty, by her most suspicious account, in
which, according to all appearances, she must have sunk at least ten good
years; allowance, too, being made for the havoc which a long course of
hackneyship and hot waters must have made of her constitution, and which had
already brought on, upon the spur, that stale stage in which those of her
profession are reduced to think of SHOWING company, instead of SEEING it.
No sooner then was this precious substitute of my mistress's laid down,
but she, who was never out of her way when any occasion of lewdness presented
itself, turned to me, embraced and kiss'd me with great eagerness.
was new, this was odd; but imputing it to nothing but pure
kindness, which, for aught I knew, it
might be the London way to express in that manner, I was determin'd not to be
behind hand with her, and returned her the kiss and embrace, with all the
fervour that perfect innocence knew.
Encouraged by this, her hands
became extremely free, and wander'd over my whole body, with touches, squeezes,
pressures, that rather warm'd and surpriz'd me with their novelty, than they
either shock'd or alarm'd me.
The flattering praises she intermingled
with these invasions, contributed also not a little to bribe my passiveness;
and, knowing no ill, I feared none, especially from one who had prevented all
doubt of her womanhood by conducting my hands to a pair of breasts that hung
loosely down, in a size and volume that full sufficiently distinguished her
sex, to me at least, who had never made any other comparison ... I lay then all
tame and passive as she could wish'd,
whilst her freedom raised no other emotions but those of a strange, and, till
then, unfelt pleasure.
Every part of me was open and exposed to the
licentious courses of her hands, which, like a lambent fire, ran over my whole
body, and thaw'd all coldness as they went.
My breasts, if it is not
too bold a figure to call so two hard, firm, rising hillocks, that just began
to shew themselves, or signify anything to the touch, employ'd and amus'd her
hands a-while, till, slipping down lower, over a smooth track, she could just
feel the soft silky down that had but a few months before put forth and
garnish'd the mount-pleasant of those parts, and promised to spread a shelter
over the seat of the most exquisite sensation, and which had been, till that
instant, the seat of the most insensible innocence.
play'd and strove to twine in the young
tendrils of that moss, which nature has contrived at once for use and
Not contented with these outer posts, she now attempts the
main spot, and began to twitch, to insinuate, and at length to force an
introduction of a finger into the quick itself, in such a manner, that had she
not proceeded by insensible gradations that inflamed me beyond the power of
modesty to oppose its resistance to their progress, I should have jump'd out of
bed and cried for help against such strange assaults.
Instead of which,
her lascivious touches had lighted up a new fire that wanton'd through all my
veins, but fix'd with violence in that center appointed them by nature, where
the first strange hands were now busied in feeling, squeezing, compressing the
lips, then opening them again, with a finger between, till an 'Oh!' express'd
her hurting me, where the narrowness of the unbroken passage refused it
entrance to any depth.
In the meantime, the extension of my limbs,
languid stretchings, sighs, short heavings, all conspired to assure that
experienced wanton that I was more pleased than offended at her proceedings,
which she seasoned with repeated kisses and exclamations, such as 'Oh! what a
charming creature thou art! ... What a happy man will he be that first makes a
woman of you! ... Oh! that I were a man for your sake! ... with the like broken
expressions, interrupted by kisses as fierce and fervent as ever I received
from the other sex.
'No!' says Phoebe, 'you must not, my sweet girl,
think to hide all these treasures from me. My sight must be feasted as well as
my touch ... I must devour with my eyes this springing BOSOM ... Suffer me to
kiss it ... I have not seen it enough ... Let me kiss it once more ... What
firm, smooth, white flesh is here! ... How delicately shaped! ... Then this
delicious down! Oh! let me view the small, dear, tender cleft! ... This is too
much, I cannot bear it! ... I must ... I must . . .'
Here she took my
hand, and in a transport carried it where you will easily guess.
difference in the state of the same thing! ... A spreading thicket of bushy
curls marked the full-grown, complete woman.
Then the cavity to which
she guided my hand easily received it; and as soon as she felt it within her,
she moved herself to and fro, with so rapid a friction that I presently
withdrew it, wet and clammy, when instantly Phoebe grew more composed, after
two or three sighs, and heart-fetched Oh's! and giving me a kiss that seemed to
exhale her soul through her lips, she replaced the bed-cloaths over us.
What pleasure she had found I will not say; but this I know, that the
first sparks of kindling nature, the first ideas of pollution, were caught by
me that night; and that the acquaintance and communication with the bad of our
own sex, is often as fatal to innocence as all the seductions of the other.
When Phoebe was restor'd to
that calm, which I was far from the enjoyment of myself, she artfully sounded
me on all the points necessary to govern the designs of my virtuous mistress on
me, and by my answers, drawn from pure undissembled nature, she had no reason
but to promise herself all imaginable success, so far as it depended on my
ignorance, easiness, and
warmth of constitution.
I was tall, yet not too tall for my age, which,
as I before remark'd, was barely turned of fifteen; my shape perfectly
straight, thin waisted, and light and free, without owing anything to stays; my
hair was a glossy auburn, and as soft as silk, flowing down my neck in natural
buckles, and did not a little set off the whiteness of a smooth skin; my face
was rather too ruddy, though its features were delicate, and the shape a
roundish oval, except where a pit on my chin had far from a disagreeable
effect; my eyes were as black as can be imagin'd, and rather languishing than
sparkling, except on certain occasions, when I have been told they struck fire
fast enough; my teeth, which I ever carefully perserv'd, were small, even and
white; my bosom was finely rais'd, and one might then discern rather the
promise, than the actual growth, of the round, firm breasts, that in a little
time made that promise good.
Imagine to yourself a man rather past
threescore, short and ill-made, with a yellow cadaverous hue, great goggling
eyes that stared as if he was strangled; and out-mouth from two more properly
tusks than teeth, livid-lips, and breath like a jake's: then he had a peculiar
ghastliness in his grin that made him perfectly frightful, if not dangerous to
women with child; yet, made as he was thus in mock of man, he was
so blind to his own staring
deformities as to think himself born for pleasing, and that no woman could
see him with impunity: in consequence of which idea, he had
lavish'd great sums on such wretches as could gain upon themselves to pretend
love to his person, whilst to those who had not art or patience to dissemble
the horror it inspir'd, he behaved
even brutally. (female version = the Red Queen in Alice in
Impotence, more than necessity, made him seek in variety the
provocative that was wanting to raise him to the pitch of enjoyment, which too
he often saw himself baulked of, by the failure of his powers: and this always
threw him into a fit of rage, which he wreak'd, as far as he durst, on the
innocent objects of his fit of momentary desire.
We were now alone; and
on that idea a sudden fit of trembling seiz'd me.
I was so afraid,
without a precise notion of why, and what I had to fear, that I sat on the
settee, by the fire-side, motionless, and petrified, without life or spirit,
not knowing how to look or how to stir.
But long I was not suffered to
remain in this state of stupefaction: the monster squatted down by me on the
settee, and without farther ceremony or preamble, flings his arms about my
neck, and drawing me pretty forcibly towards him, oblig'd me to receive, in
spite of my struggles to disengage from him, his pestilential kisses, which
quite overcame me.
Finding me then next to senseless, and unresisting,
he tears off my neck
handkerchief, and laid all open there to his eyes and hands: still I endur'd
all without flinching, till embolden'd by my sufferance and
silence, for I had not the power to
speak or cry out, he attempted to lay me down on the settee, and I felt his
hand on the lower part of my naked thighs, which were cross'd, and which he
endeavoured to unlock ...
Oh then! I was roused out of my passive
endurance, and springing from him with an activity he was not prepar'd for,
threw myself at his feet, and begg'd him, in the most moving tone, not to be
rude, and that he would not hurt me: -- 'Hurt you, my dear?' says the brute; 'I
intend you no harm ... has not the old
lady told you that I love you? ... that I shall do handsomely by you?'
'She has indeed, sir,' said I; 'but I cannot love you, indeed I can
not! ... pray let me alone ... yes! I will love you dearly if you will let me
alone, and go away ... '
I was talking to the wind; for whether my
tears, my attitude, or the
disorder of my dress prov'd fresh incentives, or whether he was not under the
dominion of desires he could not bridle, but snorting and foaming with lust and
rage, he renews his attack, seizes
me, and again attempts to extend and fix me on the settee: in which he
succeeded so far as to lay me along, and even to toss my petticoats over my
head, and lay my thighs bare, which I
obstinately kept close,
nor could he, though he attempted with his knee to force them open, effect it
so as to stand fair for being master of the main avenue; he was unbuttoned,
both waistcoat and breeches, yet I only felt the weight of his body upon me,
whilst I lay struggling with indignation, and dying with terror; but he stopped
all of a sudden, and got off, panting, blowing, cursing, and repeating 'old and
ugly!' for so I had very naturally called him in the heat of my
Such too, and so cruel was my
fate, that I dreaded the sight
of Mrs. Brown, as if I had been the criminal and she the person injur'd; a
mistake which you will not think so strange, on distinguishing that neither
virtue nor principles had the least share in the defence I had made, but only
the particular aversion I had conceiv'd against the first brutal and frightful
invader of my tender innocence.
Conversation, example, all, in short,
contributed, in that house, to corrupt my native purity, which had taken no
root in education; whilst
not the inflammable principal of pleasure, so easily fired at my age, made
strange work within me, and all the modesty
I was brought up in the habit, not the instruction of, began to melt away like
dew before the sun's heat; not to mention that I made a vice of necessity, from
the constant fears I had of being turn'd out to starve.
meantime, I was so thoroughly, as they call it, brought over, so tame to their
whistle, that, had my cage door been set open, I had no idea that I ought to
fly anywhere, sooner than stay where I was; nor had I the least sense of
regretting my condition, but waited very quietly for whatever Mrs. Brown should
order concerning me; who on her side, by herself and her agents, took more than
the necessary precautions to
lull and lay asleep all just reflections on my destination.
of morality over the left shoulder; a life of joy painted in the gayest
colours; caresses, promises, indulgent treatment: nothing, in short, was
wanting to domesticate me entirely and to prevent my going out anywhere to get
Alas! I dream'd of no such thing.
Hitherto I had
been indebted only to the girls of the house for the corruption of my
innocence: their luscious talk, in which modesty was far from respected, their
description of their engagements with men, had given me a tolerable insight
into the nature and mysteries of their profession, at the same time that they
highly provok'd an itch of florid warm-spirited
blood through every vein: but
above all, my bed-fellow Phoebe, whose pupil I more immediately was, exerted
her talents in giving me the first tinctures of pleasure: whilst nature, now
warm'd and wanton'd with discoveries so interesting, piqu'd a curiosity which
Phoebe artfully whett'd, and leading me from question to question of her own
suggestion, explain'd to me all the mysteries of Venus.
I could not
long remain in such a house as that, without being an eye-witness of more than
I could conceive from her descriptions. I instantly crept softly, and post'd
myself so, that seeing every thing minutely, I could not myself be seen; and
who should come in but the venerable mother Abbess herself! hand'd in by a
tall, brawny young Horse-grenadier, mould'd in the Hercules style: in
fine, the choice of the most
experienc'd dame, in those affairs, in all London.
Her paramour sat
down by her: he seem'd to be a man of very few words, and a great stomach; for
proceeding instantly to essentials, he gave her some hearty smacks, and
thrusting his hands into her breasts, disengag'd them from her stays, in scorn
of whose confinement they broke loose, and swagg'd down,
navel low at least.
more enormous pair did my eyes never behold, nor of a worse colour,
flagging-soft, and most lovingly contiguous: yet such as they were, this
neck-beef eater seem'd to paw them with a most uninvitable gust, seeking in
vain to confine or cover one of them with a hand scarce less than a shoulder of
After toying with them thus some time, as if they had been
worth it, he laid her down pretty briskly, and canting up her petticoats, made
barely a mask of them to her broad red face, that blush'd with nothing but
As he stood on one side, for a minute or so, unbuttoning his
waist-coat and breeches, her fat, brawny thighs hung down, and the whole greasy
landscape lay fairly open to my view; a wide open-mouth'd gap, overshad'd with
a grizzly bush, seem'd held out like a beggar's wallet for its provision.
I soon had my eyes call'd off by a more striking object, that entirely
Her sturdy stallion had now unbutton'd, and produc'd
nak'd, stiff, and erect, that wonderful machine, which I had never seen before,
and which, for the interest my own seat of pleasure began to take furiously in
it, I star'd at with all the eyes I had: however, my senses were too much
flurried, too much concenter'd in that now burning spot of mine, to observe any
thing more than in general the make and turn of that instrument, from which the
nature, yet more than all I had heard of it, now strongly inform'd me I was to
expect that supreme pleasure which she had place'd in the meeting of those
parts so admirably fitt'd for each other.
Long, however, the young spark
did not remain before giving it two or three shakes, by way of brandishing it;
he threw himself upon her, and his back being now towards me, I could only take
his being ingulph'd for grant'd, by the directions he mov'd in, and the
impossibility of missing so staring a mark; and now the bed shook, the curtains
rattl'd so, that I could scarce hear the sighs and murmurs, the heaves and
pantings that accompanied the action, from the beginning to the end; the sound
and sight of which thrill'd to the very soul of me, and made every vein of my
body circulate liquid fires: the emotion grew so violent that it almost
intercept'd my respiration.
Prepar'd then, and dispos'd as I was by the
discourse of my companions, and Phoebe's minute detail of everything, no wonder
that such a sight gave the last dying blow to my native innocence.
Whilst they were in the heat of the action, guid'd by nature only, I
stole my hand up my petticoats, and with fingers all on fire, seiz'd, and yet
more inflam'd that center of all my senses: my heart palpitat'd, as if it would
force its way through my bosom; I breath'd with pain; I twist'd my thighs,
squeez'd, and compress'd the lips of that virgin slit, and following
mechanically the example of Phoebe's manual operation on it, as far as I could
find admission, brought on at last the critical extasy, the melting flow, into
which nature, spent with excess of pleasure, dissolves and dies away.
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American social mores and values have declined precipitously over
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