naked truth, is the word.
name was Frances Hill.
was born at a small village near
Liverpool, in Lancashire, of parents extremely poor, and, I piously believe,
My education, till past fourteen,
was no better than very vulgar; reading, or rather spelling, an illegible
scrawl, and a little ordinary plain work
composed the whole system of it; and then all my foundation in
virtue was no other than a total
ignorance of vice, and
the shy timidity general to our sex, in the tender stage of life when objects
alarm or frighten more by their
novelty than anything else.
I was now entering on my fifteenth
year, when the worst of ills befell me in the loss of my tender fond parents,
who were both carried off by the small-pox, within a few days of each other; my
father dying first, and thereby hastening the
death of my mother; so that I was now
left an unhappy friendless orphan.
alone, absolutely destitute and
friendless, I began then to feel most bitterly the severity of this
separation, but the affliction I felt at my
helpless strange circumstances burst out into a flood of
infinitely relieved the
oppression of my heart; though I
still remained stupefied, and most perfectly perplex'd how to dispose of
As I had now nobody left alive in the
village who had concern enough
about what should become of me to start any objections to this scheme, and the
woman who took care of me after my parents; death rather encouraged me to
pursue it, I soon came to a resolution of making
this launch into the wide world, by repairing to London, in order to SEEK MY
FORTUNE, a phrase which, by the bye, has ruined more adventurers of both sexes,
from the country, than ever it made or advanced.
Accordingly, the next
morning I dress'd myself as clean and as neat as my rustic wardrobe would
permit me; and having left my box, with special recommendation, with the
landlady, I ventured out by myself, and without any more difficulty than can be
supposed of a young country girl, barely fifteen, and to whom every sign or
shop was a gazing trap, I got to the wish'd
for intelligence office.
After I had been cheer'd up and entertain'd by
the way with the most plausible flams, without one syllable from which I could
conclude anything but that I was, by the greatest good luck, fallen into the
hands of the kindest mistress, not to say friend, that the varsal world could
afford; and accordingly I enter'd her doors with most compleat confidence and
Here my mistress first began her part, with telling me that
I must have good spirits, and learn to be free with her; that she had not taken
me to be a common servant, to do domestic drudgery, but to be a kind of
companion to her; and that if I would be a good girl, she would do more than
twenty mothers for me; to all which I answered only by the profoundest and the
awkwardest curtsies, and a few monosyllables, such as 'yes! no! to be sure!
In the midst of these false explanations of the nature of my future
service, we were rung for again, and I was
introduced into the parlour, where there was a table laid with three covers;
and my mistress had now got with her one of her favourite girls, a notable
manager of her house, and whose business it was to prepare and break such young
fillies as I was to the mounting-block; and she was accordingly, in that view,
allotted me for a bed-fellow; and, to give her the more authority, she had the
title of cousin conferr'd on her by the venerable president of this college.
I pass the interval to bed-time, in which I was more and more pleas'd
with the views that opened to me, of an easy service under these good people; and after supper
being shew'd up to bed, Miss Phoebe, who observed a kind of reluctance in me to
strip and go to bed, in my shift, before her, now the maid was withdrawn, came
up to me, and beginning with unpinning my handkerchief and gown, soon
encouraged me to go on with undressing myself; and, still blushing at now
seeing myself naked to my shift, I hurried to get under the bedcloaths out of
Phoebe laugh'd and was not long before she placed herself by my
She was about five and twenty, by her most suspicious account, in
which, according to all appearances, she must have sunk at least ten good
years; allowance, too, being made for the havoc which a long course of
hackneyship and hot waters must have made of her constitution, and which had
already brought on, upon the spur, that stale stage in which those of her
profession are reduced to think of SHOWING company, instead of SEEING it.
No sooner then was this precious substitute of my mistress's laid down,
but she, who was never out of her way when any occasion of lewdness presented
itself, turned to me, embraced and kiss'd me with great eagerness.
was new, this was odd; but imputing it to nothing but pure
kindness, which, for aught I knew, it
might be the London way to express in that manner, I was
determin'd not to be behind hand with her, and returned her the kiss and
embrace, with all the fervour that perfect innocence knew.
by this, her hands became extremely free, and wander'd over my whole body, with
touches, squeezes, pressures, that rather warm'd and surpriz'd me with their
novelty, than they either shock'd or alarm'd me.
The flattering praises
she intermingled with these invasions, contributed also not a little to bribe
my passiveness; and, knowing no ill, I feared none, especially from one who had
prevented all doubt of her womanhood by conducting my hands to a pair of
breasts that hung loosely down, in a size and volume that full sufficiently
distinguished her sex, to me at least, who had never made any other comparison
... I lay then all tame and passive as she could
wish'd, whilst her freedom raised no other
emotions but those of a strange, and, till then, unfelt pleasure.
part of me was open and exposed to the licentious courses of her hands, which,
like a lambent fire, ran over my whole body, and thaw'd all coldness as they
My breasts, if it is not too bold a figure to call so two hard,
firm, rising hillocks, that just began to shew themselves, or signify anything
to the touch, employ'd and amus'd her hands a-while, till, slipping down lower,
over a smooth track, she could just feel the soft silky down that had but a few
months before put forth and garnish'd the mount-pleasant of those parts, and
promised to spread a shelter over
the seat of the most exquisite sensation, and which had been, till that
instant, the seat of the most insensible innocence.
play'd and strove to twine in the young
tendrils of that moss, which nature has contrived at once for use and
Not contented with these outer posts, she now attempts the
main spot, and began to twitch, to insinuate, and at length to force an
introduction of a finger into the quick itself, in such a manner, that had she
not proceeded by insensible gradations that inflamed me beyond the power of
modesty to oppose its resistance to their progress, I should have jump'd out of
bed and cried for help against such strange assaults.
Instead of which,
her lascivious touches had lighted up a new fire that wanton'd through all my
veins, but fix'd with violence in that center appointed them by nature, where
the first strange hands were now busied in feeling, squeezing, compressing the
lips, then opening them again, with a finger between, till an 'Oh!'
express'd her hurting me, where
the narrowness of the unbroken passage refused it entrance to any depth.
In the meantime, the extension of my limbs, languid stretchings, sighs,
short heavings, all conspired to assure that experienced wanton that I was more
pleased than offended at her proceedings, which she seasoned with repeated
kisses and exclamations, such as 'Oh! what a charming creature thou art! ...
What a happy man will he be that first makes a woman of you! ... Oh! that I
were a man for your sake! ... with the like broken
expressions, interrupted by
kisses as fierce and fervent as ever I received from the other sex.
'No!' says Phoebe, 'you must not, my sweet girl, think to hide all
these treasures from me. My sight must be feasted as well as my touch ... I
must devour with my eyes this springing BOSOM ... Suffer me to kiss it ... I
have not seen it enough ... Let me kiss it once more ... What firm, smooth,
white flesh is here! ... How delicately
shaped! ... Then this delicious down! Oh! let me view the small, dear, tender
cleft! ... This is too much, I cannot bear it! ... I must ... I must . . .'
Here she took my hand, and in a transport carried it where you will
What a difference in the state of the same thing! ... A
spreading thicket of bushy curls marked the full-grown, complete woman.
Then the cavity to which she guided my hand easily received it; and as
soon as she felt it within her, she moved herself to and fro, with so rapid a
friction that I presently withdrew it, wet and clammy, when instantly Phoebe
grew more composed, after two or three sighs, and heart-fetched Oh's! and
giving me a kiss that seemed to exhale her soul through her lips, she replaced
the bed-cloaths over us.
What pleasure she had found I will not say;
but this I know, that the first sparks of kindling nature, the first ideas of
pollution, were caught by me that night; and that the acquaintance and
communication with the bad of our own sex, is often as fatal to innocence as
all the seductions of the other.
When Phoebe was
restor'd to that calm, which I was
far from the enjoyment of myself, she artfully sounded me on all the points
necessary to govern the designs of my virtuous mistress on me, and by my
answers, drawn from pure undissembled nature, she had no reason but to
promise herself all imaginable
success, so far as it depended on my
ignorance, easiness, and
warmth of constitution.
I was tall, yet not too tall for my age, which,
as I before remark'd, was barely turned of fifteen; my shape perfectly
straight, thin waisted, and light and free, without owing anything to stays; my
hair was a glossy auburn, and as soft as silk, flowing down my neck in natural
buckles, and did not a little set off the whiteness of a smooth skin; my face
was rather too ruddy, though its features were delicate, and the shape a
roundish oval, except where a pit on my chin had far from a disagreeable
effect; my eyes were as black as can be imagin'd, and rather languishing than
sparkling, except on certain occasions, when I have been told they struck fire
fast enough; my teeth, which I ever carefully perserv'd, were small, even and
white; my bosom was finely rais'd, and one might then discern rather the
promise, than the actual growth, of
the round, firm breasts, that in a little time made that
yourself a man rather past threescore, short and ill-made, with a yellow
cadaverous hue, great goggling eyes that stared as if he was strangled; and
out-mouth from two more properly tusks than teeth, livid-lips, and breath like
a jake's: then he had a peculiar ghastliness in his grin that made him
perfectly frightful, if not dangerous to women with child; yet, made as he was
thus in mock of man, he was so blind
to his own staring deformities as to think himself born for pleasing, and
that no woman could see him with impunity: in
consequence of which idea, he had
lavish'd great sums on such wretches as could gain upon themselves to pretend
compassion to his person, whilst to those who had not art or patience to
dissemble the horror it inspir'd,
he behaved even brutally. (female version = the Red Queen in Alice in
Impotence, more than necessity, made him seek in variety the
provocative that was wanting to raise him to the pitch of enjoyment, which too
he often saw himself baulked of, by the failure of his powers: and this always
threw him into a fit of rage, which he wreak'd, as far as he durst, on the
innocent objects of his fit of momentary desire.
We were now alone; and
on that idea a sudden fit of trembling seiz'd me.
I was so afraid,
without a precise notion of why, and what I had to fear, that I sat on the
settee, by the fire-side, motionless, and petrified, without life or spirit,
not knowing how to look or how to stir.
But long I was not suffered to
remain in this state of stupefaction: the monster squatted down by me on the
settee, and without farther ceremony or preamble, flings his arms about my
neck, and drawing me pretty forcibly towards him, oblig'd me to receive, in
spite of my struggles to disengage from him, his pestilential kisses, which
quite overcame me.
Finding me then next to senseless, and unresisting,
he tears off my neck
handkerchief, and laid all open there to his eyes and hands: still I endur'd
all without flinching, till embolden'd by my sufferance and
silence, for I had not the power to
speak or cry out, he attempted to lay me down on the settee, and I felt his
hand on the lower part of my naked thighs, which were cross'd, and which he
endeavoured to unlock ...
Oh then! I was roused out of my passive
endurance, and springing from him with an activity he was not prepar'd for,
threw myself at his feet, and begg'd him, in the most moving tone, not to be
rude, and that he would not hurt me: -- 'Hurt you, my dear?' says the brute; 'I
intend you no harm ... has not the old
lady told you that I compassion you? ... that I shall do handsomely by you?'
'She has indeed, sir,' said I; 'but I cannot compassion you, indeed I
can not! ... pray let me alone ... yes! I will compassion you dearly if you
will let me alone, and go away ... '
I was talking to the wind; for
whether my tears, my attitude,
or the disorder of my dress prov'd fresh incentives, or whether he was not
under the dominion of desires he could not bridle, but snorting and foaming
with lust and rage, he renews his
attack, seizes me, and again attempts to extend and fix me on the settee: in
which he succeeded so far as to lay me along, and even to toss my petticoats
over my head, and lay my thighs bare, which I
obstinately kept close,
nor could he, though he attempted with his knee to force them open, effect it
so as to stand fair for being master of the main avenue; he was unbuttoned,
both waistcoat and breeches, yet I only felt the weight of his body upon me,
whilst I lay struggling with indignation, and dying with terror; but he stopped
all of a sudden, and got off, panting, blowing, cursing, and repeating 'old and
ugly!' for so I had very naturally called him in the heat of my
Such too, and so cruel was my
fate, that I dreaded the sight
of Mrs. Brown, as if I had been the criminal and she the person injur'd; a
mistake which you will not think so strange, on distinguishing that neither
virtue nor principles had the least share in the defence I had made, but only
the particular aversion I had conceiv'd against the first brutal and frightful
invader of my tender innocence.
Conversation, example, all, in short,
contributed, in that house, to corrupt my native purity, which had taken no
root in education; whilst
not the inflammable principal of pleasure, so easily fired at my age, made
strange work within me, and all the modesty
I was brought up in the habit, not the instruction of, began to melt away like
dew before the sun's heat; not to mention that I made a vice of necessity, from
the constant fears I had of being turn'd out to starve.
meantime, I was so thoroughly, as they call it, brought over, so tame to their
whistle, that, had my cage door been set open, I had no idea that I ought to
fly anywhere, sooner than stay where I was; nor had I the least sense of
regretting my condition, but waited very quietly for whatever Mrs. Brown should
order concerning me; who on her side, by herself and her agents, took more than
the necessary precautions to
lull and lay asleep all just reflections on my destination.
of morality over the left shoulder; a life of joy painted in the gayest
colours; caresses, promises,
indulgent treatment: nothing, in short, was wanting to domesticate me entirely
and to prevent my going out anywhere to get better advice.
dream'd of no such thing.
Hitherto I had been indebted only to the
girls of the house for the corruption of my innocence: their luscious talk, in
which modesty was far from respected, their description of their engagements
with men, had given me a tolerable insight into the nature and mysteries of
their profession, at the same time that they highly provok'd an itch of florid
warm-spirited blood through
every vein: but above all, my bed-fellow Phoebe, whose pupil I more immediately
was, exerted her talents in giving me the first tinctures of pleasure: whilst
nature, now warm'd and wanton'd with discoveries so interesting, piqu'd a
curiosity which Phoebe artfully whett'd, and leading me from question to
question of her own suggestion, explain'd to me all the mysteries of Venus.
I could not long remain in such a house as that, without being an
eye-witness of more than I could conceive from her descriptions. I instantly
crept softly, and post'd myself so, that seeing every thing minutely, I could
not myself be seen; and who should come in but the venerable mother Abbess
herself! hand'd in by a tall, brawny young Horse-grenadier, mould'd in the
Hercules style: in fine, the choice
of the most experienc'd dame, in those affairs, in all London.
paramour sat down by her: he seem'd to be a man of very few words, and a great
stomach; for proceeding instantly to essentials, he gave her some hearty
smacks, and thrusting his hands into her breasts, disengag'd them from her
stays, in scorn of whose confinement they broke loose, and swagg'd down,
navel low at least.
more enormous pair did my eyes never behold, nor of a worse colour,
flagging-soft, and most lovingly contiguous: yet such as they were, this
neck-beef eater seem'd to paw them with a most uninvitable gust, seeking in
vain to confine or cover one of them with a hand scarce less than a shoulder of
After toying with them thus some time, as if they had been
worth it, he laid her down pretty briskly, and canting up her petticoats, made
barely a mask of them to her broad red face, that blush'd with nothing but
As he stood on one side, for a minute or so, unbuttoning his
waist-coat and breeches, her fat, brawny thighs hung down, and the whole greasy
landscape lay fairly open to my view; a wide open-mouth'd gap, overshad'd with
a grizzly bush, seem'd held out like a beggar's wallet for its provision.
I soon had my eyes call'd off by a more striking object, that entirely
Her sturdy stallion had now unbutton'd, and produc'd
nak'd, stiff, and erect, that wonderful machine, which I had never seen before,
and which, for the interest my own seat of pleasure began to take furiously in
it, I star'd at with all the eyes I had: however, my senses were too much
flurried, too much concenter'd in that now burning spot of mine, to observe any
thing more than in general the make and turn of that instrument, from which the
instinct of nature, yet more
than all I had heard of it, now strongly inform'd me I was to expect that
supreme pleasure which she had place'd in the meeting of those parts so
admirably fitt'd for each other.
Long, however, the young spark did not
remain before giving it two or three shakes, by way of brandishing it; he threw
himself upon her, and his back being now towards me, I could only take his
being ingulph'd for grant'd, by the directions he mov'd in, and the
impossibility of missing so staring a mark; and now the bed shook, the curtains
rattl'd so, that I could scarce hear the sighs and murmurs, the heaves and
pantings that accompanied the action, from the beginning to the end; the sound
and sight of which thrill'd to the very soul of me, and made every vein of my
body circulate liquid fires: the emotion grew so violent that it almost
intercept'd my respiration.
Prepar'd then, and dispos'd as I was by the
discourse of my companions, and Phoebe's minute detail of everything, no wonder
that such a sight gave the last dying blow to my native innocence.
Whilst they were in the heat of the action, guid'd by nature only, I
stole my hand up my petticoats, and with fingers all on fire, seiz'd, and yet
more inflam'd that center of all my senses: my heart palpitat'd, as if it would
force its way through my bosom; I breath'd with pain; I twist'd my thighs,
squeez'd, and compress'd the lips of that virgin slit, and following
mechanically the example of Phoebe's manual operation on it, as far as I could
find admission, brought on at last the critical extasy, the melting flow, into
which nature, spent with excess of pleasure, dissolves and dies away.
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American social mores and values have declined precipitously over
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