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Morn and
Angus The men who observed these things
had no other way to account for them, so they
jumped to the one
conclusion which made sense to them; a conclusion which suited both Angus'
reputation and their own cynicism.
Without any viable external
evidence; he'd given her a zone implant.
He had the control in his
pocket.
Zone implants were illegal, of course.
They were so
illegal that unauthorized use carried the death penalty.
But - also of
course - mere questions of legality didn't stop people who worked the belt from
having them on hand for emergencies.
In essence,
a zone implant was a
radio electrode which could be installed in the brain where its emissions
were remarkably effective.
It had been
invented by a doctor trying
to control grand mal epileptic seizures; its emissions blanked out the
neural storm of the
seizure.
People bought the myth that was where the name "zone" came
from: an active implant gave
an epileptic the look of being "completely zoned."
In fact medical
research had quickly discovered that a variety of results could be obtained by
tuning the implant to different 'zones' of the brain.
Violent insanities could be
tamed.
Manic behaviors could be
moderated.
Catatonia could be relieved - or induced.
Recalcitrance could be turned
into coöperation.
Pain
could be reinterpreted as pleasure.
Volition could be suppressed
without interrupting consciousness.
Given a
broad-spectrum zone implant, which employed several electrodes, and an
unscrupulous control operator,
independent human
beings could be transformed into intelligent, effective, and
loyal
slaves.
Common narrow spectrum implants could
turn humans into physical
puppets by applying intense
neural punishment and
rewards.
Unauthorized
use of a zone implant carried the
death penalty:
automatically.
Despite the possibilities of abuse - reputable miners
and pilots, ore haulers and
handlers, considered zone implants necessary medical equipment.
The
reason was simple.
Medical science had developed ways
for idiots to treat complex diseases.
Ways for belt pilots to repair
the damage done by faulty
or inadequate equipment;
ways for crushed
limbs and crushed organs to be restored.
Unfortunately, however, no
amount of research had discovered a cure for gap-sickness, that strange
breakdown of the mind which
took perhaps one out of every hundred people who
crossed the dimensional gap
and reduced him or her to a
psychotic killer or a null-wave transmitter,
a raving bulimic or
a gleeful
self-flagellant, a pedophiliac or a
pill-junkie.
One out of every hundred people
had some category of undetectable vulnerability in the tissue of the brain;
and when that vulnerability was
translated across light-years of space through the imponderable physics of the
gap, some thing happened to that vulnerable brain.
Otherwise healthy
individuals lost command of
their lives in invariably startling, often
grotesque, and
sometimes murderous fashions.
There was no cure for gap-sickness.
But there was a way to cope
with it.
The zone implant.
He put a hand on her chin and turned
her face toward him.
The
stark horror was back in her eyes.
Her whisper was faraway and
forlorn, lost in darkness.
"I initiated self-destruct. From the
auxiliary bridge."
His fingers clamped onto her jaw as if he could
force her to tell the truth.
He thrust his face close to hers. "You did
what?"
"We were chasing you."
Her gaze didn't react to his
proximity: the things that appalled her were so bright she couldn't register
anything else.
"Dodging asteroids. G was awful. I thought we were going
to break up. I was at my station. Auxiliary bridge. I thought the straps on my
seat were going to tear. Or I was going to rupture."
"Then it stopped. I
could see you on the screens. But I didn't care. You destroyed that mining
camp. I had already seen you kill all those miners."
"I didn't care. I
should have cared, but I didn't."
"The whole inside of my head was
different."
"I was
floating, and everything was clear."
"Like a vision."
"It was like the
universe spoke to me. I got the message, the Truth."
Her stare
remained fixed; but now she had to fight to keep her sobs down.
"The
'truth.' I knew exactly what to do. What I had to do. I didn't
question."
"I keyed the self-destruct sequence into the computer. That
was supposed to blow up both drives. We would have been turned to
powder."
"You aren't an officer," Angus objected. "You're practically a
kid. How did you know the self-destruct codes?"
"We all knew the codes.
Anyone of us could do it.
So Starmaster wouldn't be captured. That was
our first priority.
We're all reliable. Most of us are family.
They wouldn't let anybody who wasn't reliable on a ship like
that."
"But fa-Captain Hyland caught what I was doing. He tried to
abort. Only the thrusters exploded. I could hear him yelling at me over the
intercom - yelling at me because I was his daughter and I was destroying his
ship, I was destroying him. His sister and brothers. My cousins. Destroying
them."
"And then it wasn't clear anymore. There wasn't any vision.
We weren't in danger. It was a lie.
I killed my whole family for no
reason."
He bared his teeth. "You're my crew now. You've been
impressed."
He relished the word.
"When I tell you to do
something, I expect it done."
He could see panic in her face.
"You bastard, " she breathed for the
second time. "I am not your crew."
"I am going to leave you rotting in
lockup. What have you done to me?"
Angus didn't answer directly: he was
having too much fun.
Instead, he showed her the control in his hand.
The shock when she recognized the small box was everything he wanted.
It was like her
horror of the way she had murdered her family in despair and extremity; and
yet profoundly different in other, crucial respects.
Terror and
loathing burned across her face.
Her hands sprang to her mouth; she
made an attempt to cry out.
Then he lost his self possession.
Already on the edge of restraint: the sight of her pushed him past his
limits.
She was clean - and being clean brought back her fundamental
beauty.
She was probably the most
beautiful woman he'd ever seen this close.
And she showed
a category of courage
simply by leaving the san.
She had
the capacity to face
her fate.
Her eyes shone with a
heart wrenching combination
of fright and defiance, with a dread
of what he could do to her mixed with a refusal to be cowed.
And he
could do anything he wanted.
He had the control to her zone implant
clenched in his sweating fingers.
For that reason, he pushed the button
which took away her ability to move.
Then he put down the control and
beat her bloody with his bare
fists, marring her beauty so that it wouldn't terrify him anymore.
He couldn't stop trembling.
After all, it was a good thing that
he'd hit her.
The darkness and swelling of her bruises made her
bearable: if she'd remained perfect, he would have had no choice but to kill
her.
He paid no attention to the
firm lift of breasts or the
velvet curve of hips.
He concentrated exclusively on the livid
bruises as he climbed on top of her.
His orgasm was so intense he
thought for a moment he'd broken something.
Before he rolled off
her, he had the satisfaction of seeing eyes flutter open.
He saw her begin to realize what he'd
done.
He filled her with revulsion, even though there was nothing
she could do.
That was good.
Nevertheless he continued
trembling.
He could no longer tell whether he was excited or afraid.
"Does that make you feel like a man?"
She sounded bitter and
miserable - and faraway.
The shock aftereffects of his blows muffled her
distress.
"Do you have to destroy me to feel good yourself? Are you
that sick?"
"Shut up," he replied amiably. "You'll get used to it.
You'll have to."
He still had to brace his hands on his hips to conceal
the way they shook.
Stephen R. Donaldson, from The Real Story: The
Gap into Conflict
Stephen
R. Donaldson was attending Kent State University as a graduate student at the
time of the Kent State
massacre on May 4, 1970.
Lord Foul's Bane, the Chronicles of Thomas
Covenant, the Unbeliever
Mordant's Need The Mirror of Her Dreams (1986)
A Man Rides Through (1987)
Gap series The Gap into Conflict:
The Real Story (1991)
The Gap into Vision: Forbidden Knowledge (1991)
The Gap into Power: A Dark and Hungry God Arises (1993)
The Gap
into Madness: Chaos and Order (1994)
The Gap into Ruin: This Day All
Gods Die (1996)
"A diamond is
forever," the implication is that ownership of a thing of guaranteed value will
give oneself a value of permanent unassailability.
It is as though one
did not have to be lovable to be loved if one is wearing a diamond,
a magic ring that attracts all
persons at all times." - Jean Liedloff |
to bear with
tolerance
to continue in existence;
last
to suffer
patiently without yielding
to
carry on through, despite hardships
"We are trying to figure out what causes aging and
premature aging.
We all know that stress appears to age people - just
look at the aging of our presidents after four years.
The new study
demonstrates that there is no such
thing as separation of mind and body - the
very molecules in our bodies are responsive to our psychological
environment." - Dr. Dennis Novack, who studies the link between emotions
and health at Drexel University College of Medicine Scientists have identified the first direct link between stress
and aging, a finding that explains why intense,
long-term emotional strain can make individuals chronically sick and grow
old before their time.
Chronic stress hastens the shriveling of the tips
of the bundles of genes inside cells shortening their life span and speeding
overall deterioration of the body according to a study involving mothers caring
for chronically ill children.
The study focused on the telomeres in the
chromosomes of particular immune cells of 58 women between the ages of 20 and
50.
Telomeres cap the ends of chromosomes and shorten as cells
reproduce.
When they reach a minimum level the cells can no longer
reproduce.
The report, published in the late fall of 2004 by the
National Academy of Sciences, found that the telomeres in the cells of
women under stress had undergone the equivalent of 10 years of additional
aging, compared to women living more normal lives.
"Chronic stress has
the potential to shorten the life of immune cells.
This is the first
time that psychological stress has been linked to a cellular indicator of aging
in healthy people." - Elissa Epel of University of California at San
Francisco
Stress conditions such as a wound can also trigger cancer
formation.
"Different conditions can trigger stress signaling: physical
stress, emotional stress, infections, inflammation - all these things cause
cancer." - Tian Xu
Emotion is an automatic
response to environmental conditions.
People
repress unpleasant emotions
which lead to unpleasant
thoughts.
Subconscious emotional repression
is a "normal" human response.
Shame
follows guilt at sins committed, debts
that demand repayment.
The easiest method of
doing this is simply avoiding the unpleasant thought patterns that
might lead you down the
rabbit hole of 'negativity.'
Anyone
that has lived for any length of time observing the movements of their own
emotions recognizes the stirrings of
neurotic thought patterns under
times of physical or emotional
stress that absorb conscious thought. |
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