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"A woman and a man, if their
mutual passion depends merely on pleasure
or self-interest, will be tied to
each other just as long as they remain a source of pleasure or profit for
each other. The moment this comes to an end, the real reason for their passion
will also end." - Aristotle
We have been conditioned to ache
for soul transforming passion.
Our strangest cultural ideal:
ultimate fulfillment as an
individual happens lost in the bliss
of the neural reward of sexual
passion.
The idealization of sex as a force for
personal liberation and self
fulfillment would have struck the Greeks,
icons of sexual
liberation as ludicrous.
To the
Greeks, Eros was a powerful force of
nature, volatile and
destructive.
Necessary for
life to continue but prone to sudden uncontrollable excess.
Greeks
invent a repertoire of images to communicate
erotic destructiveness:
insanity,
burning disease,
the violence of war – all expressed
the rationality destroying power of
sexual desire.
Eros is the
conflagration that burns
Troy leaving its plains strewn with
corpses, due to the illicit passion of
Paris and Hellen.
The inherited
imagery of Eros, the Greek Cupid, has been emptied of its sinister
connotations and signifing instead sexual sentimentalism.
The Greeks
understood that cultural controls
were necessary both to limit the force
of sex and to exploit
its imaginative creative energy.
Sexual taboos, the institution of
marriage, emotions like guilt and
shame,
reason itself, all were devices for
clipping Eros'
wings.
The Marquis de Sade and
Leopold von Sacher-Masoch leave
us models of the results of liberating Eros from social
checks.
After the French
Revolution introduced the concept
of sexual "freedom" repressive political regimes
began to exhibit hostility toward
sexual licentiousness -
repression George Orwell
identified as totalitarianism.
In this new 'First World' of
inverted totalitarianism
the base animal instincts and
unnatural desires are glorified as life
sustaining and fulfilling.
Within the
international social cultural
psyche sex has been
commodified.
Attempting to excise
the transcendental core of
union between two unique discrete beings of this First World is the goal of
MICE culture.
Sexual intimacy is diminished and debased
by commoditization.
For this reason sex has
enormous subversive potential.
The sacred dimension of sex
involves the dissolution of the
separation.
Physical
pleasure alone cannot satiate the spirits desire for
divine union.
Ecstasy awaits
us when we throw off separations shackles.
Radical feminists who meticulously catalog
the depredations of heterosexual Eros are silent about the darker side of
homosexuality.
Sentimental rhetoric blinds us to
poison dripping from the arrows of Eros.
Predators feed off liberated
sexuality as liberated sexuality sells product.
People easily
confuse sexual passion with compassion.
Passion based solely in pleasure
in another is not compassion at all.
Rational dissociation
suggests rational mechanisms of mate choice as no single human decision is more
important than the choice of a
mate.
Men and women have
always depended on each other for survival.
While rationality sets a
minimum threshold on who qualifies as a mate,
rationality profoundly fails to
predict the final choice.
Hormone
fired desire is the human emotion that bonds men to women.
How did
blind passion - emotional dependency
through delusional idealization
evolve to solve a problem
better solved by cool rationality?
Suicides based on romantic
passion have occurred in all cultures.
Unrequited romantic passion
may consume a person.
Parental objections and
cultural chasms create
separation.
Nearly everyone
experiences unrequited romantic passion as a young
adult.
Bonds forged with romantic
passion require protection.
To understand sexual passion look at
human reproductive
biology.
To produce a
single child, women bear the burden and
pleasure of nine months of
pregnancy - an obligatory parental investment men cannot share.
To
produce a child men need only devote a few hours - or a few minutes.
Over time the strategy of casual mating proved to be more
reproductively successful for men than for women.
An ancestral woman,
even one having sex with multiple partners in the course of a single year will
still produce only a single child.
Men therefore evolved a desire for
sex with a variety of women.
Evolutionary reasons for the desire for
sexual variety suggest universality.
Three scientific
realities provide compelling
evidence.
First, the existence of
male sexual
jealousy.
Male jealousy is an
evolutionary biological response to a loss of loyalty.
Infidelity is
known in all cultures, including tribal societies, pointing to
the universal prevalence of infidelity.
Prevalence rates vary from
culture to culture (high in Sweden and low in China), but infidelity occurs
everywhere.
Sexual infidelity causes divorce worldwide more than any
other marital violation, being closely rivaled only by the
infertility of the
union.
No Evidence for Sperm Wars
Women choose healthy sexual
partners.
Women benefit from multiple
sexual partners in countless ways.
Women who have sex with different
men produce more genetically diverse children, providing a "hedge" against
environmental change.
Some ancestral women purchased mate insurance, a
backup replacement in the event that
something happened to her regular partner.
Women are
five times more likely to
experience sexual desire when they are ovulating than when they are
not.
Women tend to time their sexual liaisons to coincide with the
peak of their sexual
desire, when they are most
likely to conceive.
Sex with husbands is most likely to occur when
women were not ovulating, a strategy aimed at keeping a man rather than
conceiving with him.
Women experience
sexual desire when they are
ovulating, and if they have an extra
martial sexual liaison partner, have urges to have sex with
him.
Spouses experience a signal detection problem.
The signal
detection problem is not merely about picking up accurate signals in the face
of an uncertain and ambiguous welter of information.
It is also about
making correct inferences about the
cause of the signal.
As sexual infidelity is invariably secret,
signals emited are intentionally muted.
A
European psychiatrist counseled
many couples referred to him in which one of the husband experienced "morbid jealousy."
Most of his
cases were husbands who he felt had delusions their wives were sexually
unfaithful, and these delusions
destroyed the fabric of trust.
As he believed that morbid jealousy
was a psychiatric illness that could
not be cured, his most common recommendation was that the couples separate.
Many couples followed his recommendations.
As he was
keenly interested in the subsequent
fate of his patients, he routinely contacted them after a number of months
had passed.
He discovered that many of the wives had subsequently
become sexually involved with the very men about whom their husbands had been
jealous!
Some of the women actually married the objects of their
husbands suspicions.
The husbands were
subconsciously sensing signs
of infidelity.
As the wives
proclaimed innocence and declared that their husbands
jealousy was irrational husbands were decieved - and so was the
psychiatrist.
Jealousy is a part of
human nature because of
the threat of sexual treachery.
Evolution has forged elaborate defenses to
detect and fend off threat of
loss.
All cultures develop
elaborate moral codes to reign in muderous passion.
Jealousy can be
emotional acid that corrodes marriages,
undermines self-esteem, triggers
battering, and leads to the ultimate
crime of murder.
Jealous men are more likely to
preserve valuable commitments
to their own children rather than squandering them on the children of their
rivals.
As descendants of
a long line of men who acted
to ensure their paternity, modern men carry with them the dangerous passion
of jealousy.
Jealousy can destroy previously harmonious relationships
and is not always a reaction to an infidelity that has already been discovered
but may be an anticipatory
response to intutive feelings of infidelity or lack of loyalty.
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