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"The function of prayer is not to influence
Æon,
but rather to change the nature of the one who prays."
Søren
Kierkegaard
"I have told you that prayer is
a virtuous act.
Eternal Soul and spirit of prayer are more
virtuous than the form.
Through them we arrive at
Union, in a
way that only Æon knows."
Rumi
Teresa Sanchez de Cepeda y Ahumada
It is important for beginners in
prayer to start off by becoming detached
from every category of satisfaction and to enter the path of prayer
solely with the determination to help Jesus carry
the cross.
I shall say
nothing about things of which I do not have much
experience.
Beginners must realize they are starting to
cultivate a garden on very barren soil
full of abominable
weeds.
The Lord pulls
up the weeds and plants good seed.
With the help of the Lord we
must strive, like good
gardeners, to get these plants to grow and take pains to water them so that
they don't wither but come to bud, flower and give forth
a most pleasant
fragrance.
The Garden can be watered in four ways. You may
draw water from a well, get water by means of a waterwheel and aqueducts,
water may flow from a river or a stream
or the water may be provided by rain from the heavens.
A Soul beginning
to practice prayer will have begun to water the garden.
Rain from
heaven often comes when the gardener is least expecting it, although it almost
always occurs after a long period of
prayer and reflection.
In mystical theology
the intellect ceases to work
as the Lord suspends
it.
When the
Lord suspends the intellect and causes it to stop, the Lord gives it that
which holds its attention and makes it
marvel.
Without reflection the
Eternal Soul understands more
in the space of a
moment than the intellect can understand with
diligence in many years.
The Lord gave me, in a moment,
crystal clear
understanding, I knew how to explain the compassion the Lord grants through
prayer in an amazing way.
Through prayer the
Divine Spark of Life is
recognized as the Eternal
Soul.
The Lord desires the
enlightenment of the Eternal
Soul through compassion
accompanied by delight.
For anyone who has not had the
experience it is impossible to understand that this divine spark cannot be acquired,
only discovered by searching the depths
of the Eternal Soul.
The
quietude and recollection of this divine spark of the
Spirit of the Lord will be noticed
no matter how small it is.
The intellect,
eager for delight, is quickly left cold as no matter how much we desire to
kindle the divine
spark to obtain compassionate delight, we appear to be unable to do
anything other than throw water on it and
kill the fire.
If we do
not extinguish it, through our own
fault, this tiny divine spark is what will begin to enkindle in our
Eternal Soul the large
fire that throws forth the flames of the
Compassion of
the Lord.
Calmly and
wisely the mind must understand that one does not deal well with the Lord
by force and that our efforts are like
the careless use of large pieces of
wood which smother this tiny divine spark.
Everything is in motion here.
The intellect representing.
Memory hurrying
about.
For certainly
these faculties tire me
out from time to time.
Although I have a poor memory, I
cannot subdue it.
One should realize this and humbly say: "Lord, what am I capable
of here?"
One should pay no attention to the
intellect, for it is a grinding mill.
The Eternal Soul
may work to recollect the memory, for often
it will find itself in this Mystical Union,
calm while the intellect wanders
aimlessly.
It is
better that the Eternal Soul leave the intellect alone than chase
it.
Remain in
recollection and in enjoyment of Communion with the Lord.
If the intellect is keen it will
compose speeches, search for ideas
and it will think it is doing
something important if those ideas are well expressed.
In those to whom
this experience happens, the effects are remarkable!
One should not
weary oneself in seeking reflections but just
remain in His presence with the
intellect quiet and bask in His compassion.
Intellect has a clear understanding
that we are in the Presence of the Lord.
Now, in the
Presence of the Lord, ask for deeper communion not with the noise of words but
with longing for that response.
This mode of prayer includes many
things in which more of the Compassion of
the Lord is obtained than through
a great deal of
intellectual reflection.
In the beginning I was
ignorant as I didn't know the
Lord was in all
things, though He seemed so present to me, I thought omnipresence was
impossible.
I felt the presence
of Him here in my own Eternal Soul.
Those who have no
knowledge told me that He was
present only by grace.
I could
not believe this, as He was present; and so I was confused.
A
knowledgeable man freed me from doubt, for he told me that the Lord was
present and of how the Lord
communicates Himself to our Eternal Soul.
When the
Eternal Soul merely whispers, He hears.
It seems impertinent as we all know that the Lord always is here with
us.
There is no doubt about His
presence.
The
Lord desires for us to know that He loves us, that
His presence is real, and that
He wants to begin to work in the
Eternal Soul in a special way.
There is a difference between the
contentment the Lord grants from
the delights of Earth.
The
contentment the Lord grants fills the void our sin has carved out.
This
contentment takes place in the very intimate depths of the
Eternal Soul, and
the Eternal Soul
doesn't know where the contentment comes from.
The intellect thinks it has found everything, but knows
not how it knows.
The Lord's radiant compassion causes
no harm, no matter how long it lasts.
Nor do I recall the Lord ever
having granted me His favor that I did not feel much better afterward no matter
how ill I had been before.
The
experience of feeling of the Lord's compassion leaves a rare
detachment.
More
than spiritual knowledge alone is
involved.
For now that the mind is completely detached from things,
it appears that the Lord wants to
effect this detachment in the body itself, and there is brought about
a new estrangement from worldly
things.
There is a manifestation of the
tremendous power of the Lord and of
how we are incapable, when the
Lord desires, of holding back the
body any more than the Eternal Soul,
nor is our intellect the
Eternal Soul's master.
Rather, whether or not we wish, we see that
there is One who is superior, that these favors are given by Him, and
that of ourselves we can do absolutely nothing;
deep humility is impressed upon the
Eternal Soul.
From this experience comes
the need to return to
everyday life; wings have sprouted enabling one to fly with ease; the
fledgling has shed its down.
The Eternal Soul ascends, taken
up to the highest tower.
The
Eternal Soul looks at those below as one who is out of danger.
In this state of divine grace the Eternal
Soul sees very clearly now.
Fix the mind on true vision and
everlasting wisdom.
Keep this wisdom always in mind, especially
in the beginning.
Remember the short time
everything lasts and how everything is nothing.
It becomes clear
it is necessary to forget these things
in order to live.
Intellectual humility is
nothing in comparison with the true
humility.
The Lord bestows a
strong desire to advance in communion through prayer.
Eternal Soul, offering
itself up, feels sure, while humble, that it is redeemed.
The Lord casts out servile
fear and grants a feeling of awe.
Ascension of the Eternal Soul to the Lord is
Ecstacy.
The body is left so light
that all its weight is gone.
This feeling reaches such a point as to be
compared with walking on clouds.
I was
conscious in such a
way that I could understand I was being elevated.
The brightness of the sun therein
melts the spiritual corruption away.
The longest space of time in this
suspension of all the senses is very short.
If it remain suspended for a
half hour, this would be a very longtime.
As there is
no accurate method of
categorizing consciousness one finds it hard to know what is actually
happening.
While seeking the Lord in this way, it feels with the most
marvelous and gentlest delight that everything is almost fading away through
type of swoon in which breathing and all the bodily energies gradually
relax.
The Eternal Soul
desires periods of solitude in order to enjoy this new found spiritual
sustenance.
Awareness dawns, an understanding the
depth of the Lord's compassion.
In arriving the Eternal Soul
loses its craving for worldly
things.
The beginning of all blessings is the compassion of the
Lord.
The flowers of the
garden are already at the point in which hardly anything is lacking for
them to bud; and the Eternal Soul sees this very clearly.
To one who
has no experience this explanation will appear
confusing.
Hard to explain an experience
one cannot even begin to put into words.
Only those who have had
this experience will understand me,
I do not know how
to describe being raised up if it is not understood through
experience.
The quiet and calm are not lost since
the intellect is United with the
Lord.
Senses
distracted the will brings the intellect and
memory back to
recollection.
This quietude and recollection is
something that is clearly felt through the
peace bestowed on the Eternal
Soul, along with complete
contentment and calm and a very gentle
delight in being alive.
Further
prayer creates deeper union of the Eternal Soul with the Lord's endless
compassion but what this union is, I do not know how to
explain.
These matters are expounded in
mystical theology; I do not know
the proper words.
Neither do I
understand what the mind is; nor do I know how it differs from the spirit
and Eternal Soul.
Eternal
Soul, mind and
spirit all appear to be the
same thing to me.
The way the Eternal Soul goes forth from itself is
comparable to what happens when a fire is burning and flaming as it becomes a
forceful blaze.
The flame then shoots very high
above the fire, but the flame is not by that reason something different from
the fire but the same flame that is in the fire.
I am attempting to explain what Eternal Soul feels when in
Divine Union.
What Divine Union means is that two separate things become
One in Spirit.
"You spent
all night crying, "My Lord! My Lord!"
He who heard your "My Lord' My
Lord" has come.
Your grief lasted so long! Look, healing is here:
Your door was locked, look,
here is the key.
You mourned and fasted before the Table of
Heaven:
Break your fast now, for the new
Moon is born.
Be silent, be
silent, for by the command of Æon
The shock of amazement annihilates all
words.
Rumi
It frightens those whose intellects
are concerned with things of the Earth that they have
no intellect by which they can understand
divine truths.
This category of union I wish to explain often
happens especially to me since the Lord
frequently gives me this
category of favor.
The elevation
of the spirit, or joining with heavenly compassion takes place within this very
union.
For the Lord takes to Himself the will and even the
intellect so that it
might not engage in discourse but with rejoicing in Him like those who are
now contemplating.
The
memory remains free, but is merged with the imagination.
This union
resembles the death agony with the difference that
the suffering bears along with it
great ecstacy.
It is an arduous, delightful martyrdom since it
admits no earthly thing.
The
Eternal Soul clearly understands that it desires only Union.
Just as joy suspends the senses,
so it is suffering that suspends them here.
In
this suffering the Eternal Soul is
purified like gold in the
crucible.
I can only
say that the Eternal Soul appears to be joined to the Lord..
As the
Eternal Soul basks in the Compassion of the Lord all the senses fail and they
are so suspended that in no way does one think they are working.
If one
is reflecting upon some scriptural event, it becomes as lost to the memory as
it would be if there had never been any thought of it.
If one reads, there is no
remembrance of what
was read; nor is there any remembrance if one prays vocally.
Thus this
bothersome little moth, which is the memory, gets its wings burnt here; it can
no longer move.
The will, fully content basking in the
Compassion of the Lord, doesn't
understand how it desires this compassion.
The, intellect, if it
understands, does not know how it understands; it cannot
comprehend what it
understands.
The Eternal Soul is left with such freedom over all things
that it does not even know itself.
The Eternal Soul does not know how so
much good was given it, but it well understands the tremendous benefit that
each of this joyful ecstasies bears with it!
No one
believes this if they have not
experienced it!
When
thought is in
bondage
Truth remains Hidden,
everything is murky and
unclear,
the
burdensome practice of judging
brings annoyance and
weariness."
Hsin Hsin Ming
The Eternal
Soul becomes obsessed with serving the Lord not just a little but as much
as it can although these desires do not spring from the
Eternal Soul but from
the Lord to whom the
Eternal Soul
has given the keys.
As virtue
grows stronger the Lord begins to perform great deeds by means of the fragrance
the flowers give.
The Lord desires that they bloom so that the
Eternal Soul may
see that it possesses virtue.
The Eternal
Soul is very clearly aware that it
could not have acquired this virtue in and of itself.
In that moment
the Eternal Soul understands the heavenly
Gardener granted these favors through
divine mercy and
divine grace.
The Eternal Soul understands that it is enjoying a
good in which are gathered together all goods, but this good is
incomprehensible.
All the senses are
engaged in this joy in such a way that none is free to be taken up with any
other exterior or interior thing.
Here the humility that remains in
the Eternal Soul is much greater and more profound than in the past.
We
see sin binds us into
spiritual corruption
and holds us in its power.
Although we desire to always be in union
with the Lord our lack of faith in Union binds us to rational dissociative
thought.
And yet the
Eternal Soul begins
to be of benefit to its neighbors almost without knowing it or doing anything
of itself.
Other Eternal
Souls recognize this Eternal Soul because now
the fragrance of the flowers has
reached the point in which it attracts many other
Eternal Souls.
In
regard to thinking of wordly things, the Lord granted me the favor to
understand the truth that my
reflecting on things of
this Earth would require no small amount of boldness.
Other
individuals will benefit
from such reflection, especially if they have gone through studies.
In
my opinion a background of studies is like a
treasure to aid in this practice of union with the Lord if the studies are
accompanied by humility.
I hold that:
Discretion is required in
everything;
Those who in fact risk all for the Lord will find that they
have both lost all and gained all;
The intellectual
mind clearly understands that ascension is
given to the Eternal Soul so that it may ascend;
Spiritually corrupt
individuals have a tremendous fear of true knowledge which is accompanied by
humility and virtue;
There
is now one living who sees directly the great illusion in which we walk and the
blindness in which we suffer;
Spiritual corruption will not deceive
with illusions the individual of prayer who consults honest knowledgeable men,
unless this individual wants to be deceived;
If the Lord has given you
the grace to enjoy His compassion,
you will through your intelligence and knowledge understand what is being said
here;
It is one grace to
receive the Lord's favor; another, to understand which favor and
grace it is; and a third, to know
how to describe and explain it;
One does not know how to speak of union
with the Lord, nor do I think anyone will believe me or understand it is
possible unless they have experienced it themselves;
If by nature
someone is loving and grateful, the memory of the previous favors the Lord has
granted does more to bring such a
individual back to the
Lord than all the infernal punishments
imaginable;
Frequently the body is made healthy and stronger for it
was really sick and full of great sufferings because something wonderful is
given to the Eternal Soul in this union with the Lord!
How great is the true knowledge
of the Eternal Soul brought to ecstacy by the Compassion of the Lord; it
beholds everything without being ensnared!
How
ashamed it feels of the time when
it was ensnared!
How frightened of its
blindness!
What pity
it feels for those who are still in this
blindness, especially if they
are individuals of prayer.
The Eternal Soul wants to cry out in order to make known how deceived
they are.
Sometimes the Eternal Soul even does so and
a thousand persecutions rain
down upon upon it.
Teachers consider this
individual lacking in humility, especially if she is a woman, and point out
that she desires to teach the one from whom she should be learning.
As a result they condemn this Eternal Soul
because they do not know the loving impulse that moves it.
For at
times the mind can not endure
disillusioning those whom it loves and desires to be set freed from the prison
of spiritual corruption.
The spiritually corrupt life it formerly lived
was nothing else than a prisoner's life; nor does it
appear to the Eternal Soul to have been
anything other than a prison.
The Eternal Soul
deplores the time in which it was concerned about its reputation and deplores
the deception it suffered in believing that what men called 'honor' was
true honor.
The Eternal Soul sees
how this belief about 'honor' is the greatest lie and that
all of us are involved in it.
The Eternal Soul laughs to itself over the time when it esteemed money
and coveted
wealth, it was
fault enough to have esteemed it.
If with money I could have bought the good I now
see in myself, I would have esteemed it highly; but I see that this good is won
by giving up everything.
What is it we buy with this money we desire?
Is it some thing valuable?
Is it something lasting? Oh, why do
we desire it?
Miserable is the rest achieved that costs so
dearly.
Frequently one obtains
hell with money and
buys everlasting fire and pain.
In
spite of what I am, I experience
great consuming impulses to
tell this truth to those who are rulers.
This Eternal Soul
recognizes well, from far off, those who have only a lot of words and those who
have confirmed their words with works.
It understands the small amount
of good that the former do and the great amount the latter do and this is
something that anyone who has experience sees very clearly.
The Eternal
Soul understands that authentic honor
stands not with error but with
Truth.
The more that compassion and humility grow, the greater the
fragrance of these flowers of virtue give off, both for
oneself and for others.
It is
true that in this joyful ecstasy the Lord can
work in the Eternal Soul in such a way that only a little labor is still
required in order that it reach
epiphanous contentment.
In my opinion no effort of ours brings us to epiphanous contentment.
I became so accustomed to
understanding what Truth is that everything
else appears to it to be shadowplay.
I sometimes laugh to myself when I see seriously relgious and prayerful
individuals making a big
issue out of dogma.
They claim
that the dissemination of dogma is
important so that they might bring about more good.
They would bring about more good
in one day than they would in ten years if for the Lord they thought a lot less
of the prestige of their office.
From the time the Lord began to grant
me His favor up until now, His fortitude has always been increasing; and in His
goodness He has held me in the palm of His hand so that I might not turn back.
I understand clearly that it
is the Lord who does everything.
Hence it appears to me that an
Eternal Soul upon whom the Lord bestows these favors will receive them with
humility always
understanding that it is the Lord Himself who grants them.
We ourselves could now be placed in the company of any
distracted group of people and the Eternal Soul will not be
distracted or
coerced.
This is
now a strong Eternal Soul
that the Lord chooses to benefit others, even though the fortitude doesn't come
from the intellect.
Little by little, as the
Eternal Soul approaches the Lord in this
stage, He communicates to it very deep secrets.
When my
Eternal Soul reached the
stage where the Lord granted it such great favor by unifying my
Eternal Soul with the
Soul of the Lord, the spiritual
corruption in me disappeared as the Lord gave me strength to break away from
it.
Teresa Sanchez de Cepeda y
Ahumada |
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